Check this book out.
There’s a free excerpt you can read online that made me cry. This keeps happening; just when I think I am at peace with my adoption something will come up and the well of infinite sadness that is my adoption will rise up and overcome me. It never goes away. Sometimes it will be held further at bay, but it never goes away.
The essay that made me cry [spoiler alert!] tells the story of a mother whose son has trouble with numbers and images; who is seven years old and can’t read, who can’t sit still and can’t focus. She takes him to a number of different types of doctors until she finally gets a proper diagnosis: he has problems with his eyes. It’s discovered by a doctor who was himself adopted and recognizes the diagnosis because he’s looking for it; he believes being separated from one’s mother at birth causes brain damage. (The eye problem is a result of this.) He asks her, “Was he separated from you at birth?”
The mother reveals that the baby was born premature and separated from her at birth for four days, despite her maternal instincts to keep him with her. The diagnosis is what is needed to help her son seek the help he needs to becoming a healthy, functioning kid.
What brought out the tears wasn’t just the empathy I felt when she talked about her maternal instincts in knowing what is best for her son, but also the idea that being separated from one’s birth mother can cause brain damage. Is that true? Then what about me? I was separated at birth–sent into adoption the minute I was born.
The book also talks about adoptees as”adaptees”, and the ones who have never dealt with their adoption as being in denial. I just bought the book and have only gotten through a few essays, but I already recommend it. Read it, it’ll make an impact.