Trying not to worry

I am trying not to worry about the baby. Which is why I am here, writing. When something is in my head I have to get it out by writing it down. Down and out so I can sleep and breathe and do other things. So here I am.

He’s had a high fever now for 3 days. When I took it this morning it was 102.4 or maybe 102.6, can’t quite remember. Or maybe that was his temperature he woke up at 2:30 am–screaming crying because he was burning up. Again I can’t quite remember, haven’t been getting much sleep lately. What I do know is that tonight before he fell asleep at 7pm it was 103.5 and his whole body was burning up. His first ever fever.

I took him to the doctor today. She said he looked good and she couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. She concluded it was one of 3 things: pneumonia, bacterial infection in his intestines, or just a virus. (He’s been throwing up and having diarrhea.) So she sent us to the hospital to get an xray to determine it wasn’t pneumonia. It wasn’t.

Now we have no idea. We just now have a confirmation from medical professionals that they don’t knows what’s going on. Which makes me a little frustrated.

Tonight my husband took a photo of the birthmark on his arm that he’s had since birth, and he emailed it to the baby’s dermatologist. She responded right away to ask us to bring him in this week, which is unusual because it’s 8:30 at night and she responded from her personal email in minutes. He’s been seen about this birthmark 3-4 times since he was born, including an ultrasound. But it changes in density and shape so we’ve been told it’s something to keep an eye on.

The first time I took him to the doctors it was a complete waste of time; they looked at it and said: “Why are you even here? It’s purely cosmetic and there’s no problem.” (I was told when he was born to bring him in.) But my husband has been bringing him because his doctor still worries about it and keeps telling us to get it checked. Recently it’s been getting thicker and spreading and now it’s quite hard.

That worries me. I can’t deny it. Up until then the worry was starting to creep in but I was keeping it at bay. And other factors add to my concern. My husband is going away on a trip in the wee hours of the morning I’m supposed to take the baby to do the hospital, which is fine (normally he would take him to the hospital), but it’s just an extra little annoyance, another day off work. (Husband does not like me to contact him when he is away on a trip having fun with friends, especially with news of bad stuff going on here.) I hate going to that hospital. I hate parking. I hate the layout of the hospital. I hate the feel of the hospital, the stress and sickness. It’s not a positive place.

And now that I’ve started, since this is my blog and I can complain about whatever I want, I also have a dog who is dying and losing the loss of his back legs, which is really hard to watch. (I know, woe is me. Enough of my 1st world problems!) He’s still mentally sharp and puppy-like, it’s just his physical capabilities that are failing him. Normally he’s a tough guy; positive and intense. (If he was a person he’d be a male model, or an athlete like Kev1n G@rnett.) So it’s really hard to see.

Okay, that was my last complaint. Words are off and out of my head, now hopefully I can sleep.

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